And still the Haiku come forth

Just read the haiku from the last post and decided to alter the last one in that post. It was originally:-

Winter night comes early

Cloaking day's end silently

Until tomorrow

 

But upon reflection that second line simply sounds wrong, I have re-written it thus:-

Winter night comes early,

Silently cloaking day's end.

Until tomorrow.

 

Does it make a lot of difference? I would argue that it is the little things which make a difference, perhaps you agree, perhaps you don't, but it is my poem.

 

 

And by the way, this is a new pastel painting from my own fair hand, except for a little post processing from photoshop. You can see it and an explanation of how it was completed on my blog, painting with John. I will be creating a series of Zazzle products with the resulting images, find them soon in my Zazzle store. 

So, advertisement break over, here are a couple of new Haiku.

Sixteen wheelers rushed

drove down the road before me

hurtling far too fast

Driving in convoy

too close to one another

there's trouble ahead

As you might imagine, these were written after seeing too many lorries from the local factory rushing down our road in the morning rush hour. Not typical Haiku material, am I cheating and just creating fragments of poems, which I am trying to get away from. perhaps I should play safe and stick to nature and natural subjects?